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Breaking News!!

Clinton Curate, one time Eagles centreback has accepted the offer of a position amongst the coaching staff.
 
When asked by this reporter if the rumours of a career in coaching with the Eagles were true, Clinton said "Bloody right they're true! I nearly tore the Chairmans arm off grabbing the contract!". 
 
Rumours of Clint being on a contract of two packs of salted peanuts per season are still not corroborated as when question Clinton would only say, "no comment, it's not professional to talk about salaries. It's a private matter."
 
If these rumours are true, Clinton would have been gone from nothing to being one of the highest earners in the Eagles team. This would undoubtedly unsettle his ex-team mates who are believed to be on one kit kat per year between them.
 
An Eagles board member told the assembled press, "We're proud to get Clinton on board. ALL his years of experience are bound to help our younger players. It's just a shame he'd never won anything. At the end of the day, this is all our budget could extend to!"
 
Reporters are currently trying to contact the Merton Eagles players for their views on the appointment of Clinton.

One undisclosed source was quoted as saying, "That other fat git doesn't know what he's doing, so what does one more useless sod change? Nothing, it's blind leading the blind now!"
 
Another unnamed source, let's call him ........ J Painter, no........ John P, said "Seabrook doesn't know his arse from his elbow so nothing should be surprising!"
 
We tracked down Manager extraordinaire Seabrook to his Eagles funded mansion in the upper reaches of Kensington to get his reply to this comment. He said, "well we can't sit around here all day on our elbows, we've got to try to make improvements!"
 
When asked what sort of improvement the Eagles could expect from Clinton's appointment, Seabrook mumbled something about trade secrets before slamming the door shut.
 
Investigations are on going into other team members views!

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